


Babysteps

by smolbunprincess



Series: Wires [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Connie is a blessing, Corrupted Steven Universe, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, there is a lot in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22321351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolbunprincess/pseuds/smolbunprincess
Summary: "Why do you.. Keep coming back?"The rasp of Steven's voice caught Connie's attention, and she turned to look at him. His expression was that of concern, but with a hint of confusion and pain. He was in pain a lot of these days, bedridden and wired to so many machines it made sense as to why he was so exhausted."What do you mean?" She already knows the answer, but she inquired regardless. She extended her hand, hoping to take his within her own but he withdraws it quickly. Baby steps, she has to remind herself.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Everyone
Series: Wires [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606633
Comments: 15
Kudos: 243





	Babysteps

"Why do you.. Keep coming back?"

The rasp of Steven's voice caught Connie's attention, and she turned to look at him. His expression was that of concern, but with a hint of confusion and pain. He was in pain a lot of these days, bedridden and wired to so many machines it made sense as to why he was so exhausted.

"What do you mean?" She already knows the answer, but she inquired regardless. She extended her hand, hoping to take his within her own but he withdraws it quickly. Baby steps, she has to remind herself.

"Nothing interesting.. Here.." He speaks between gasps, each action seemingly painful. She looked him over cautiously, placing a hand on the edge of his bed. She had tested this previously, she was allowed to be this close. Just not any further.

"You're here."

The answer made him snort, the hybrid's eyes sliding shut. She could tell what he was thinking, she didn't need to ask nor did she want to. She didn't want her concerns answered.

His entire body was a hideous reminder of their failures, hers especially. She was his knight, and when he needed her most she wasn't there. It frightened her to wonder how long Steven had been hurting like this, it must have been a while..

She didn't like to think what his tipping point must have been.

"The coffee table's been fixed." She noted, picking her book up again. She thumbed through the pages, not really reading it if she was honest. She was listening to him, and the steady beat of the machines ensuring that he didn't die.

"I'll just break it again.."

"It can be replaced." Connie reminded him, offering a sympathetic smile knowing that he wouldn't notice. Especially with his eyes being closed. "You can't be."

"Because I'm horrible and no-one would want to recreate something like me?" He cracked a smile, but it wasn't the kind that Connie wanted to see truthfully.

"Because you're irreplaceable, and nothing can come close to you. _Nothing_."

He doesn't respond, just gave a quiet and weak sigh. She watched as his breathing evened out, a signal that he was falling asleep. She decided to go back to actually reading her book, only pausing to check the status of his breathing and heart rate.

She checked the IV bags, noting that they'd need to get more fluids and nutrients for Steven. They'd have enough to last until tomorrow night, so it was important that they'd get it soon. She sent a text to her mom to ask for her to collect some more.

This was just another battle, another foe to beat. It would take time, there would be set backs but Connie was prepared. Even if she was the only one there, she would ensure that Steven would come back to them.

_Do it for him.._

A week passed. He only woke a few times, at least while Connie was around. He was often out if it, speaking in vague rasps. Each time he spoke, it seemed more painful than the last. Blood dribbled from the area around his horns when he became too emotional and it was emotionally hard to sedate him when Steven began to show signs of aggression.

It was never directed at them, only at himself. The sedation was also for their sake, so they didn't witness Steven trying to rip each speck of his corruption off of his body again. She still tried not to think of the bloody pieces of flesh, scales and horns around the room. Meanwhile Steven was crouched in the corner, mirror in hand and desperately trying to rip his own teeth out.

The moment she entered the house, she knew instantly something was wrong. Instead of one of them being upstairs to keep Steven company, they were all crowded around the bathroom and screaming.

"Steven, open the door!" Garnet ordered, the authoritative command lessened by the crack in her voice. An indication of fear, she was terrified. Connie isn't surprised.

"Come on dude, I know you want a change of scenery! We could uh.. I dunno, watch movies on the sofa!" Amethyst exclaimed desperately, praying to whatever force of nature that existed to get Steven to open the door.

"We don't want to startle you, please just open the door Steven." Pearl pleaded softly, tapping her fingers on the wooden door as a way of knocking gently. "You don't have to come out, just keep the door open. We'll take it at your speed, okay? Just open the door, please."

Connie approached, her footsteps light to avoid breaking the already fragile air. Pearl glanced at her before moving away, signalling the others to take a step back.

"He.. He locked himself in, this morning.." Pearl explained when they were a little away, keeping her voice hushed to prevent Steven from overhearing. "We don't know what he's doing in there."

"I thought I heard him growling, I.. I think he's hurting himself again.." Amethyst whispered, hugging herself a little tighter. "He just, ripped out the fluids and went down stairs. I couldn't stop him, I was scared of hurtin' him.."

Garnet remained silent, the only telltale of her inner confliction being how her shoulders tensed and how her lip curled. Fingers grip her arms tight enough that if she were human they were sure to bruise.

"I'll see what I can do.. Just, um.. Prepare a sedative, just in case." Connie stated before heading to the door.

She tried the door knob, and it was still locked. She pressed her ear against the door, listening for anything inside the bathroom. Through the wood, she's able to make out the sound of Steven babbling. That was probably why he never answered them, she reasoned to herself. He was too busy talking to himself.

Removing a hair clip, Connie began to fiddle with the lock. It was possibly the weirdest skill she picked up, one she wasn't entirely proud of but it's origin was an amusing but simple tale. One of the characters in her latest favourite book series knew how to pick locks, and Connie in a small display of innocence decided she wanted to do the same. Besides, it was a bit of a neat party trick. It was sure to impress Steven, if he was in a better mindset.

The lock clicked, and Connie opened the door slowly. She flicked on the light switch, inhaling to steady her nerves for whatever sight waited for her.

Both expected, and unexpected.

The rail for the shower curtain had been ripped off, the curtain itself half draped over Steven in a desperate attempt to hide his corruption. There was blood, tiny little thorns scattered around the floor from where Steven must have been ripping at his skin. There was also the injury from ripping his lines out that leaked out, but the loss of blood didn't seem to phase him. Or, it did and she simply failed to notice.

His gaze was fixated on himself and only himself, locked eyes with the reflection in the mirror. His lips curled in a snarl, and he continued babbling incoherently.

"Bad, bad ugly. Bad, monster. Mistake, hybrid monster failed better." Was the only kinds of words Connie could make out. They all blended together into one blurred frantic sentence.

She takes the step in, approaching him from behind. She is careful to ensure there is amble room for Steven to shift into should he feel threatened. She hoped he didn't, she never felt threatened by him. Even in this state, Connie knew that her jam bud was still there. Her liege, her best friend.

_Her Steven.._

"Steven." She murmured softly, placing a hand gently on the sink. He turned to face her, eyes wide and rapid. His whole body trembled, gripping the sink a little harder.

Everything is still, until Steven suddenly backed away. He tripped over the fallen curtain, falling and smacking his head on the ground with an audible thump. Connie barely has time to register the impact before he's scrambling away. His side presses into the side of the bathtub, his lower arms keeping himself supported while his upper tried to cover himself in vain.

"Stop, no no. Ugly, bad. Bad." He repeated the word a couple more times, eyes darting around the room. He shivered, gasping and pulled his tail closer. "Bad bad bad. Hurt, clawed. Pain, pain. Grasp. Hiss. Break, stop. Devil, devil. Back, dangerous."

She frowned lightly, and tensed when she heard the faint approach of the gems. Connie turned slowly, giving them a gesture to back off and not enter the room. All three didn't look convinced, still wary. She realises then that they think Steven will hurt her.

No, he's more of a danger to himself than he was to her.

"Steven." She whispered tenderly, crouching so that she was at eye level. She hoped that this position would ease him. "Steven, it's okay. You're not dangerous."

"Bleed, blood! Destroyed, obliterated!" He raised a hand, clawed fingers leaving tears on the curtain below him. He snarled at the fabric, glowering at it as if it was the source of all his problems. "Breaking, smashing. Bleeding, ugly. Rid, rid. Rid, rid."

"Nothing to get rid of."

"No touch, don't touch. Corrupt you, infect you."

Connie shook her head gently, holding her hand out to him. She remained tender in her approach, wanting Steven to feel safe more than anything.

"You won't." Connie promised him, and he stared at her. For a moment, he's intrigued. Intrigued in the kind of way were you desperately need something, anything to give you comfort. A response to someone holding a stable hand, offering a promise of many things. Compassion, trust, loyalty and care.

The kind of intrigue where you want to explore the option, but the kind that lets you know you aren't entirely deserving of it.

He let out a noise, a mix of an unsure grunt and a pleading whimper.

"No touch then." She retracted her hand, and in a way seemed disappointed. "Come on, let's get out of her and back upstairs. We need to get you settled, and all cleaned up again."

"Dangerous.."

"Bathroom's more dangerous."

Steven gave her a questioning look, and Connie rubbed the back of her neck with a nervous laugh.

"I've fallen a few times in the bathroom, slipped or just wasn't paying attention." She admitted with a shrug. "What I'm saying is, bathroom is more dangerous than you are."

Steven stared at her incredulously before slowly inching his way out. She would shift to get out of his way, letting him go first and she would follow behind him carefully. She ensured she didn't get hit by his tail or stand on it accidentally.

She shook her head when she met eye contact with Pearl, and she hid the sedative medication. Connie noticed then that Steven wasn't going upstairs just yet.

"Hey Ste-man! You gonna hang downstairs? We'll get pizza!" Amethyst exclaimed, moving past him to grab something on the table. He tensed as she sped past, but she didn't seem to notice as she held up a DVD cover. "We can watch Dogcopter! Your favourite Amethyst got the whole box set, we can marathon the whole thing!"

Connie smiled at Amethyst's attempt of bonding, it was a sweet effort. When she glanced at Steven, it looked like he was considering the offer but walked off instead. He wasn't heading upstairs, instead he was walking around the house. His shoulders tensed, and he walked hunched over. He peered around, uncertain as if something or someone was about to pounce on him.

He began his ascend upstairs, pausing with each creak of the wood. He continued, and made his way up the stairs much slower than usual. Connie slowly followed him up.

"You think he's gonna come back down?"

"Maybe, he's still bleeding. He might be going for the first aid kit." They had kept it mostly in Steven's room, for convince. Before Connie entered his bedroom, she could see Pearl going into the bathroom with a mop.

Steven was in his room, more accurately Steven was rummaging in his closet. His tail was poking out from behind the doors, swishing as he looked for something. The sight was adorable in a way, and she watched as it retreated further in before he came out.

She observed as he carried a box out, setting it on his bed. He started rummaging through it, before pulling out a small roll of bubble wrap. Connie didn't have time to question it, he unrolled it and without touching her he tossed it over her.

"So you don't trip and hurt yourself in the bathroom." He explained at her quizzical expression, she can't help but laugh.

She goes to the box, careful to not touch Steven as she pulled out a label maker. Connie punched in the letters to create her masterpiece, tearing the label off once it was produced. She realised that he wouldn't let her touch him, the plan failed before it started.

So she held it out, and he took it. He read it. He wordlessly stuck it to his chest.

'FRAGILE: HANDLE WITH CARE'

"So no-one hurts you anymore. Including yourself."

"Touche."

\---

In the end, they did end up watching Dogcopter. Steven allowed for his injuries to be tended to, though it was clear the entire thing made him uncomfortable. When settled on the sofa, he wrapped himself in a blanket to prevent the others from having to get too close to him. Maybe he was afraid of hurting them still, but Connie couldn't see him doing any sort of thing.

She remained still, sitting the closest. She smiled to herself as she watched dogcopter move on screen, sniffing for clues. It was an endearing movie, filled with pleasant memories. Amethyst must have chosen it for that reason.

It continues, an endless marathon of Dogcopter's adventures. Overtime, things relaxed. Steven more specifically, relaxed. Maybe he was more focused on the cartoon, but he had seemingly melted into the blanket. Connie had relaxed too, Amethyst half asleep on the sofa sprawled over Pearl's lap. Pearl was writing in a notebook, but Connie wasn't too concerned. She couldn't tell if Garnet was or had been watching, but she remained on the sofa.

In this kind of environment, where worries dissipated and relaxation become the norm. Connie slipped up, in a way that she hadn't even realised initially.

She sunk into the sofa with a content sigh, watching one of the softer scenes. The colours and gentle animation meshed together created a serene atmosphere. It reminded her of their younger years, relaxing together on the beach and reading the day away. Laughing and giggling, nothing mattered in that little pocket of their universe. Just themselves.

Connie snorted a little to herself quietly, thinking on how she was reminiscing like an elderly lady near the end of her life line.

A jab to her side caught her attention, and she glared at Amethyst. The gem looked shocked, before nodding to her other side. Slowly, Connie turned her head and was greeted to Steven staring at her. He didn't look upset, more apprehensive and uncertain.

Her gaze went lower.

In the blissful atmosphere, Connie had forgotten about Steven's corrupted state. In the middle of the movie marathon, Connie had taken Steven's hand without realising. She had begun to massage his hand with her thumb, a leathery kind of skin had formed on his palms that resembled Lion's paw pads. In her calm state, she must have registered them as his paws and began to rub them as she would with Lion.

"S - Sorry!" She stammered, quickly retracting her hand. She couldn't stop the blush that spread to her cheeks, and she could hear Amethyst giggling.

Steven stared a little longer, looking down at the hand that Connie held. The only part him besides his head outside his burrito blanket. Connie hoped he would return the hand to it's plush resting spot, and prayed that she hadn't upset Steven.

There was discolouration on his cheeks, his lips pressed together in a thin line. Connie realised that it wasn't his corruption spreading, but he was blushing.

"It. It was.." He clenched and unclenched his hand. Something exploded in the movie, she almost didn't hear the continued whisper. "It was nice.."

Taking note that the other gems had seemingly returned to the movie (although who knew what they were _really_ doing), Connie decided to scoot just the tiniest bit closer. Observing no discomfort, she'd take his hand again.

"I could keep doing it?" She asked softly, holding his hand in a loose grip in case he felt threatened.

"You're.. You're okay touching.. Me?" He whispered in turn, looking ready to fall apart from his own insecurities and views of himself. Connie gave his palm a gentle rub again, and his gaze remained the same.

"Course." She murmured, smiling at him comfortingly. The action was continued as her attention was drawn back to the movie. Connie felt Steven relax, and she did the same. Albeit, with a jumpier heart-rate.

Baby steps. That's what this process was all about. The tiniest rewards were the most genuine, the most heartfelt and would soon grow to something bigger.


End file.
